J. TODD FOSTER: 2 BHC Polls Show Damascus Is No Dysfunctional Darling

By J. Todd Foster
Editor / Bristol Herald Courier
Published: August 16, 2008

I’ve got good news for those of you who live in or care about Damascus, Va.: You finished third – last – in our recent “Most Dysfunctional Town” poll.

That means voters by an overwhelming majority picked two other towns as more dysfunctional.

We had two polls with two different winners: In the online poll, Bluff City, Tenn., garnered 362 votes – or more than 2½ times St. Paul, Va.’s 143. What that tells me is that Bluff City has better Internet access. (Damascus finished with 138 Web votes. Other towns got a total of 59 votes online.)

In limited paper balloting (I hear you, the price of a stamp keeps climbing), St. Paul won with five votes over Bluff City’s three. Damascus got one. Three other Virginia towns (Abingdon, Marion and Bristol) got one vote each.

Now a clarification: A couple of Damascus residents took me to task – and rightly so – for my lack of specificity in my July 13 column.

I didn’t mean to imply that residents of any of these towns are dysfunctional. I was referring to town leaders. That’s quite a difference, and I now recognize the error of my ways.

So let me clarify in the strongest of terms, which in print means the use of all caps: THE RESIDENTS OF DAMASCUS, ST. PAUL AND BLUFF CITY ARE, BY AND LARGE, WONDERFUL PEOPLE. THE COMMUNITIES ARE PLEASANT TO VISIT AND HAVE MUCH TO OFFER. THE TOWN OFFICIALS, AT TIMES, HAVE BEHAVED IN A DYSFUNCTIONAL FASHION. THAT IS NOT A REFLECTION ON TOWN RESIDENTS.

Now to the voter comments:

A gentleman voted for Bristol, Va., and wrote: “I’m currently spending time in your city.”

He was being literal; the letter was stamped “INMATE” and the return address was 417 Cumberland St. – the home of the city jail.

Much of the reader feedback was defamatory and consisted of name-calling of town officials in Bluff City, St. Paul and Damascus. I won’t go there.

Here were a couple of tamer comments:

“When the mouth opens before the brain is in gear, you have Damascus – disheveled, disabled, definitely dysfunctional, and the laughing stock of Washington Co. How very sad!”

Another reader labeled St. Paul, which has made the news a lot lately with factional political squabbling and a grand jury corruption probe, as “Dysfunction Junction.” The writer added: “When clowns put on a show it’s funny for awhile. No matter how hard you beat a dead (one horse town) it won’t get up. Have another meeting. We need another laugh.”

St. Paul has gone through a few police chiefs in recent years but nothing on the order of Damascus.

The Damascus Town Council late Wednesday hired a firefighter to be at least the seventh police chief in four years. (There have been four firings and two resignations.)

And even when town officials are not squabbling over the police department, Damascus – which covers less than one square mile – is the news gift that keeps on giving.

Two Christmases ago a man was arrested for running naked through the town at lunchtime. A streaker makes for good copy anytime, but when the nudity sprints across the street from the police station and in front of a Santa Claus, the story takes on even more of a “Hey, Martha” element, as in “Hey, Martha, did you read this?”

Even when Damascus officials are not involved, the town is a magnet for the strange. Take Wednesday night, for example.

Hours before Damascus hired its newest police chief, a stray dog was hit by a motorist. The dog’s hind quarter was skinned up, and the dog appeared in need of medical attention. But the injury did not appear life threatening.

A friend of mine who lives in Damascus called 911 at 5:05 p.m. Exactly 50 minutes later, an animal control officer from the Washington County Sheriff’s Office arrived.

He took one look at the dog and returned to his truck.

“I figured he was making room for the dog to take him to the vet,” my friend said. “Next thing I know, he’s carrying a rifle over and shoots the dog. Then he talks to a bystander for three minutes and goes back over to the dog and shots it again. After three more minutes, he goes back to the dog and shoots it a third time.”

I don’t think I’m being unduly harsh here when I suggest that the Washington County animal control officer spend a little more time on the firing range. This is the same agency that last year shot a beloved stray on the campus of Emory & Henry College.

That dog, dubbed “Dingo,” was only winged in the shooting and survived with medical care; it has since been adopted and is leading a normal dog’s life – except for an overwhelming fear of men, especially men with guns.

Better marksmanship clearly is needed: It took three shots to fell the stationary stray Wednesday evening. And to make matters worse, the shots rang out as churchgoers were filing nearby into Faith Baptist for services.

“I won’t call 911 again, even if something’s happened to me,” my friend said with a chuckle. “I’m afraid they’ll shoot me.”

Just don’t shoot the messenger here. This incident is not indicative of Damascus and didn’t even involve a Damascus official. But it’s instructive in making the point that the town is a news-making machine.

J. Todd Foster is managing editor of the Bristol Herald Courier and can be reached at or (276) 645-2513.